this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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