i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
