everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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