he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
