I am spending my child support on dildos
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
