i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Im part way to drunk.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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