But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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