So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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