Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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