oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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