We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
