hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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