I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The beer is more important than you right now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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