The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
