My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
