Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
