ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
