SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
