If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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