I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
