oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid