how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa