woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize