just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hippo gnu deer
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up