my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.