so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
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Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
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He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.