my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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