and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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