I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
