Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
