I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
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i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
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PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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