Plan B is the new Plan A
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
