Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
