I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
