i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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