i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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