Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
