does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
