The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
