boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
