A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
