He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
