When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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