Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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