You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
