You work out of a Hotel?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You're like the curious george of whores
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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