Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
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She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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