The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
