if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My vagina is officially offended.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
