I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
