so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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