I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
