So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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