Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
