I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
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I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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