How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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