It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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