I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You were trust falling into bushes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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