Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
