Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
