dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
