your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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