Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
