I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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