going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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