Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
