i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
