I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
