Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
