it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
