Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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