see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
