Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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