all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
