I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Your penis caused this!
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