OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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