She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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