once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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